


HEAVEN

by wckedlittletown



Category: bare: A Pop Opera - Hartmere/Intrabartolo
Genre: Heaven by Troye Sivan, M/M, really sad lyric fic for cross
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-16 09:54:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28829223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wckedlittletown/pseuds/wckedlittletown
Summary: “Yes, I do. It's a start and a finish. God, it's the root of everything."Without changing a part of me / How do I get to heaven?
Relationships: Jason McConnell/Peter Simmonds
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	HEAVEN

“What is going on, Peter? Jason, is he kidding? Jason?”

Jason stood in place, his entire facade crashing down around him, and he knew the only thing he could do was be a man and pick up the mess he made.

_The truth runs wild / Like a tear down a cheek_

“Look, let’s just run the scene.” Jason stepped back and put his hand out to attempt some form of rehearsal. “If I profane with my unworthiest hand, this holy shrine, the gentle sin is this..” Instead of joining him in his make-believe romance, Ivy flees the scene. Jason wishes he had followed suit.

_Trying to save face, and daddy heart break / I'm lying through my teeth_

He needed something to ground him. This entire day had still felt like… well, like his worst nightmare. He looked at Peter’s distraught expression and couldn’t stay composed anymore.

_This voice inside / Has been eating at me_

“Peter…” Jason’s eyes began to swim as his one connection, his one lifeline to reality was slowly drifting away again.

“Don’t..” Peter looks away, and Jason realizes that he knows he was lying. He did sleep with Ivy, and he lied to Peter, and now there wasn’t a single person he had loved (or tried to love) that he hadn’t lied to.

_Trying to replace the love that I fake / With what we both need_

“Peter, I don't understand what's happening…” Jason pleaded, taking his hands, “I don't know what to do, you have to help me.”

“I tried.” Peter tore his hands away and stood to leave.

_The truth runs wild / Like kids on concrete_

He was almost out the door when Jason snapped. “Wait, you know what then? Fuck you, Peter!” He yelled, betrayed and hurt, but also scared and alone. 

“Fuck you!” He yelled again, falling to his knees. 

_Trying to sedate my mind in its cage / And numb what I see_

Tears spilled from his eyes as Nadia approached, always the comforting big sister. She consoled and hugged him, but nothing was really going to change. He avoided her gaze for as long as he could until: 

“Somehow we’ll get through, we’ll find a way.”

“Yeah thanks, I know. Could you leave me alone?”

Well, he did it. He finally drove everyone he could away. The three people that truly loved him in his life, and he drove every single one of them away. Even Peter, the one person who actually made him feel real. He was the last person Jason would ever lie to, but he broke that promise too.

He only had one question left for the church, and for God himself: Could you really love someone like me?

_Awake, wide eyed / I'm screaming at me_

He knew this wouldn’t end well, but when you make every single person in your life hate you, the only thing left is the church. He looked toward the grate, but of course Father Flynn couldn’t be seen. 

“These are my sins, but where to begin?” He looked down at his own hands in prayer. “I don’t know if I have it in me… in me…” 

Jason wondered if the priest was there at all until: “Begin.”

_Trying to keep faith and picture his face / Staring up at me_

Even now, trying to recount his sins, trying to finally wash away years of shame and doubt, all he could think of was Peter. This simple, innocent love that had defined who he was and what he had done for 5 years. 

If being who he was and loving Peter was unforgivable, then how could he _ever_ be accepted by his peers, his parents, and God?

_Without losing a piece of me / How do I get to heaven?_

“Still I recall the peace that would fall, when I believed you could forgive me.” Maybe he still had one sliver of hope that God would love him, but it was fading fast with every truth he revealed. 

“I don’t know where to start.” He did know where it started, but he couldn’t tell God about all of his stupid mistakes. 

“Yes, I do. It's a start and a finish. God, it's the root of everything."

_Without changing a part of me / How do I get to heaven?_

He recounted every grievance he had with himself, desperately hoping the priest would actually try to understand and comfort him, but internally he knew that wouldn’t be the case. 

“Is it okay?!” Father Flynn was dodging his questions now, and he felt the pit of despair sink lower and lower. 

“Why are you dancing? Why won’t you answer? God, won’t you tell me? God!!”

“No!”

_All my time is wasted / Feeling like my heart's mistaken, oh_

_So if I'm losing a piece of me / Maybe I don't want heaven_

**Author's Note:**

> Lyrics from HEAVEN by Troye Sivan.


End file.
